Today was the annual meeting for the parish where I work.  Annual Meetings are where the parish comes together to vote on the budget for coming year and other important business.  It is one of those meetings that requires most of the parish to be present, but it is also something that no one really wants to do. 

Aside from a contentious vote about the time of the service and our relationship with another group that meets at the church the meeting went fine. 

One of the odder things that happened was the attendance by a person had moved away to a different church two years ago and was no longer considered a member in good standing.  For some reason he decided that it would be a great idea to come to this meeting in which he had no vote.  This person used to love to physically hover over me and talk down to me both literally and figuratively.  I always take it with pretty much a smile on my face and say things like ‘hmm, what a good idea! Thanks for the feedback’.  I thought I was done with these demeaning ‘conversations’ when this guy left, but he came back for an encore, I guess.  I get mad thinking about it not just because he would never talk to a man the way he talks to me, but because I let him talk down to me.

Anyway, this was just a part of the stressors that made today an anxiety fueled circus.  I realized today (not for the first time) that my laid-back attitude undercuts my authority.  I learned that I am stuck in the expectations still pressed on women to behave in a way that is accommodating even if it means letting yourself get stepped on.

Thankfully I have friends that were able to distract me amid the bouts of painful anxiety.